7 Ways to Build Significance

I’ve got one more role for all parents to add to their parenting duties… “Significance Builder”.

What??… I can hear you asking from the sticky table I’m working at in Starbucks right now.

Suggestions for Every Type of Kiddo

Here are SEVEN ways you can start building significance TODAY.

Here’s the deal, research shows that for kids to be balanced and healthy humans, they need to know two things. They need to know that they BELONG and that they are SIGNIFICANT. I’ll be honest with you, these do NOT happen naturally or easily in my house. They both take massive effort and so much trial and error.

In my two decades of being an educator and 13 years of being called “Mom”, I have learned a thing or two about nurturing children to feel both a sense of significance and belonging, and while it takes a constant effort, I’d like to share a secret to significance building that has REALLY worked for my crew.

Here it is… find something your child can do to HELP others, ideally outside of your household and/or beyond the normal list of chores you coerce your child into doing each day.

Why?? Two reasons. Number one, the more healthy relationships our children have with other adults, the more likely they are to thrive in life… research supports that raising our children does in fact take a village. TWO, our children learn to expect validation from their parents. When they receive $5 from a neighbor or for doing task that helps more than just their family, it fills them up SO much.

You might be hesitantly following along with me at this point, so let me provide you some solid examples of what exactly I’m talking about and how it’s been a game changer for us.

Each of my children is so different from the other. Their interests, strengths, eagerness, etc. all vary tremendously. For this reason I have created a list of elementary age tasks for SEVEN different sets of interests. These are things that my children have done or will soon do for me or a close friend in exchange for (a small amount of) money.

(1) ANIMAL LOVER:

DOG WALKER: I’ve got an animal lover at home and she’s made money as a dog walker when our neighbors have been out of town. I’ve been blessed with phenomenal neighbors who treat even the youngest of children like valued members of our community. They showed my seven year old daughter where the leash goes, the poop bags, the treats, how to unlock and lock the door, etc. and my kiddo was just BEAMING!

PET SITTER: For young kiddos, this is a total win! One of my favorite memories was when our friends went to Costa Rica for a MONTH. My not-so-fond of animals kiddo was asked to pet sit their bunny. She was so honored to be asked. This entailed feeding the bunny daily, supplementing its diet with fresh greens, cleaning the cage, providing fresh water and most importantly to my young kiddo, spending quality time with the bunny. My kid let the bunny out to play, set a timer to monitor the amount of play time AND took her book over there and read to said bunny! After doing such a great job (with daily check-ins from yours truly to make sure said bunny was actually still alive), this kiddo was not only honored to be asked to help, but she was stoked when she got paid $1 each day for her services.

(2) THE CRAFTY ONE:

Do you have an artist at home? The kid who is always coloring in or outside the lines and is always creating?? We have had success with TWO different significance builders in the past few years.

DEVELOP A NEW SKILL: Have your child learn a skill that is desired by society. One of our COVID projects was learning how to make macrame. This started out of boredom for me and so quickly became something my third grader was an expert at after watching two YouTube videos. She sold and gifted plant hangings to teachers, neighbors and family. She went into business with a buddy and they spent their afternoons fulfilling orders for plant hangings and key chains. They soon signed up for a craft fair where they SOLD OUT of the dozens of products they took with them. [Tip: Parent Instagram accounts make the perfect place for safely selling things like this]. The catch here is you can’t let your kid phone it in. They need to get really good at doing something that everybody is impressed by, so start simple or capitalize on something they’re interested in.

PROVIDE A SERVICE: Last year, I was neck deep in responsibilities that I just couldn’t keep up. My oldest has better handwriting than I do. I got the idea to ask her if she’d like to address our holiday card envelopes. We negotiated a price based on how long it took her to do one and we multiplied that by how many there were to do total. Not only did she legitimately save me time, but she learned how to address, fill and stamp envelopes. Friends and family were touched by the hand-written envelopes and it was so obvious to my kiddo that she REALLY helped me. <<TIP: keep the payment process simple and non-negotiable. Kids LOVE taking breaks and you don’t want to end up in an argument over how much you owe them. By setting a plate rate per addressed envelope, you don’t need to worry about how slowly or quickly they’re working.>>

(3) THE BAKER:

We all either have gatherings or people in our lives that we can acknowledge through treats. If your child shows an interest in cooking with you in the kitchen, hone in on a recipe or two that they can master. I pay my kid to bake for me in two different ways. If I have a work meeting or event, I let her know a few days in advance and pay her the same amount as I’d pay for a similar item at the market or local bakery. Blueberry muffins, brownies, or whatever she wants to make get placed on a tray and I’m good to go.

The other option is when my kid feels like baking, she can individually bag items to give to neighbors, teachers, coaches, family, etc. just to say “we appreciate you”. This is great because it’s a boredom buster ANY time I’m fine with her using my kitchen… which is pretty much all the time since she also knows this task includes cleaning up to the best of her ability.

(4) THE NURTURER:

If you have that kiddo that swoons over babies, puppies, etc. they might be the perfect candidate for a babysitter, parent helper or summer activity coordinator. We had two neighbor girls going into sixth grade that ran a once weekly day camp from 9am-1pm in their backyard. Parents could drop off their littles and it was a HUGE success… in part we all knew the mom was home to also support and keep our kids safe, but these two girls ran the show and it was IMPRESSIVE! … Sign up your kiddo to take a babysitter certification course and/or CPR to further boost their sense of significance in their whole process.

(5) THE ACADEMIC:

Some kiddos have ZERO interest in babysitting, but for your little brainiac, tutoring can provide a tremendous ROI. As a sixth grader with a solid reputation of being responsible, one of my kiddos was able to charge $20 per HOUR to tutor. She simply helped with homework, worked on math facts and crushed it helping neighbor friends. The neighbors were thrilled because this was a fourth of what they’d pay elsewhere. They also knew I was guiding my kiddo, but overall this was another one that my kid was able to own and provide a wonderful service to others.

(6) THE ORGANIZER:

Are you a busy parent? Have some leftover French fries floating around the back of your car? Find a space in your house needing some attention and hire your kiddo to do a great job organizing and cleaning it up. The fridge, a cabinet, the car, your purse or laptop bag, bathroom drawers, etc. The possibilities here are ENDLESS!

(7) THE MEAL PREPPER:

This is different than the baker. I don’t LOVE making dinner. I you have a kiddo who can whip up some tacos, grilled cheese or breakfast for dinner, then you are SET. Commission them same day or give them a schedule so they have the opportunity to make a meal for the family AND take something off your plate <<pun intended>>.

Friends, the beauty of the ideas above is while they all take added work from you, ultimately they make your life so much fuller and strengthen your relationship with your kiddo. Heck, most of them make your life EASIER in the end even if it’s simply eliminating the age old “I’m bored” declarations we all hear so often.

Comment below with any ideas I should add to my list and let me know what you think! Each of our kiddos is SO different, so I didn’t assign ages here, but I would suggest finding something for your child as early as possible and for sure by about third grade… remember it’s about finding something THEY love that also contributes to your family and/or community more than their typical list of family chores.

kk